So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
