Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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