Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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