I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
