It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
