At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
