tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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