when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize