"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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