He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Someone came in the potted fern
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
