Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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