Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize