operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
