I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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