Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
