so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
