so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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