U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
