Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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