My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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