I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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