I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
