I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
