I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize