I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
