woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
