I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
