Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
