so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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