Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
