its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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