I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize