I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
