Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
