Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
