if you like me you must not know who I am
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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