she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
