Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
