I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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