Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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