The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
