You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
