Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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