Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You ate ashes out of my bong
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
