This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
