He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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