Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
