I wish my penis had an off switch
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
