For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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