im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
