Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Too much gin, very little bucket
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
