i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
