I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
