i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
