I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
