how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
