just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
