I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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