you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize