Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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