he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
