I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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