That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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