that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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