At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize