I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
