Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
