party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
