im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
