I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
