I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
