I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
